I Have A Plan.

(Like you’ve never heard me say this before.)

My plan is to… wait for it… exercise. (I know, right?) These are not words that I though would ever leave my lips, but I have decided I like food. (I KNOW, RIGHT?) And, since that’s not going to change in the foreseeable future, my activity level probably should. Maybe. No, definitely.

I’ve decided to run. Janie likes it. I like Janie. So, I will like it, right? (Isn’t that what I learned in algebra? If A=B and B=C then A=C? No?) Whatever. I’m thinking it will give me the quickest results.

That’s a lie. Liposuction will give me the quickest results, along with a tummy tuck. Running will hopefully give me the quickest, cheapest, relatively pain-free results.

I’ve decided to run nightly. Stop laughing. Seriously.

I can’t stop, either.

Anyway, I need your help. Since you all love me (or at least hopefully like me, otherwise what the heck are you doing here?) I need a little motivation. I’m not picky. Positive Reinforcement? Great. Threats? Why not. Bribes? Sure.

Here’s just a few ideas of things that would work:

The next time you see me, mutter “beached whale” under your breath. Repeatedly.

Secretly sneak into my closet tomorrow and exchange all my clothes with smaller ones. This could take some planning, because I might notice the change. I’m kind-of observant.

Conversely, you could do the same thing in a couple of weeks, but with larger clothes. Warning: Do not reverse those. Bad.

Turn all my mirrors sideways. I already know the trick, and have them hanging the skinny way. But if they were changed…

Tell all my kids to ask me why my stomach looks like that.

Offer me $5 for every pound I lose. (Hey! I like this idea!)

Ask me every time you see me what I’ve been eating. And then make gagging noises when I tell you.

Tell me about all the great sales you saw on things, but they were all just one size smaller than my current size.

Just a few ideas to get you going… I have creative friends, so I know you all can come up with some more.

Wish me luck. Or call me a beached whale, repeatedly.

15 thoughts on “I Have A Plan.

  1. Nicole says:

    I think that was the most hysterical post I have ever read. I was literally laughing out loud! You are so funny. But anyway, running? I hate running and I think it's the worst form of torturous exercise there is. But good luck with it. 🙂 Let me know how that goes for you.

  2. I started running a few years ago. Start out slow..walk for the first week. Second week walk run.continue for the 3rd/4th week. Then fifth/6th week run..20 minutes then increase once you know you have hit the plateau. Find a roadrunners store and get fitted for real running shoes!

  3. I think I would have to agree with Nicole. I would rather go hiking for a week straight then have to run a mile but the best of luck with your goal. I know this is not the kind of encouragement you wanted but what can I say:)

  4. Christina says:

    Good luck with the running. I like how you optimistically think it will be pain free. I do it. Intermittently. Eventually it really wont be so bad.

  5. Melanie says:

    I jiggle too much when I run. LOL!!! Good luck to you. 🙂

  6. Heather says:

    Hey good luck! I am down 40 pounds since last August and I hate to say it but the only thig that worked was a complete change of my eating habits and lots of exercise, I wal around 7 miles a day 😦 but I wnt from a size 15 to a size 8 😀

  7. I love food too but unlike you I lack the motivation to excercise even though more than half the clothes in my closet no longer fit!! Aside from the lipo and tummy tuck I would like some of the fat to be redistributed to my boobage! thanks!

  8. Lorell says:

    I feel your pain, Gen. While I don't feel super out of shape and am at a healthy weight, I need to get back to exercizing. It's just sooo hard, because I'm not dragging four kids to the gym, and at night, I'm so pooped! I do yoga once in awhile, but don't exercize the way I used to before the kids. I love the way exercize makes me feel, both physically and mentally, so going three years without it has been a big downer. But, anyways…just remember it will make you feel so good, healthy, and energized. Think of how much energy it will give you to create beautiful LOs…:D

  9. senovia says:

    I stopped by from Jessica Sprague's site to say hi and ended up spending a good 20 minutes reading your posts and checking out your awesome layouts. Your poor son in the dress, though… 😉 Good luck with the exercise. I'm right there with ya!

  10. Colleen says:

    Way to be motivated! I'm now on week 4 of running 5-6 days/week. My trick is to run WITH someone!!! That's my motivation. I know they're waiting for me. I like exercising in the am, tho. Makes it so I don't have to think about how much I don't want to do it/how tired I am/what shows I'd rather watch/what chores need to be done (I'm sure you're getting the idea). Just find a buddy, that's my suggestion. I'm seriously still laughing at your post. That would be bad if you switched the bigger/smaller clothes at the opposite times! 🙂 Ha, ha! Wish you lived closer, we could go together. You could always move. 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  11. Audrey says:

    I think running is torture too, but I admire anyone who can do it with regularity — and even more so if they enjoy it! My sister and my oldest daughter are both cross-country runners and they do inspire me. Just not enough to get off the couch…

  12. Carole says:

    Oh I wish you luck with the exercising. I WISH I would exercise, but I just hate it. I ended up having to reduce my food intake to lose weight cause I just won't/don't exercise. Which sucks. You go girl!!

  13. Kim Strother says:

    Oh you are so funny!! But i feel ya…i too have started trying to work out. You forgot the one when someone asks you when you are due. That one could make me run 5 miles, and I hate to run!! Anyway, remember success is a journey, not a destination!! I'd love you to visit my blog and we can share our success together!!

  14. Jen Martakis says:

    How's the running going? Are you still keeping up with it? Maybe you could bribe yourself with a new laptop….hmm? 😉

  15. Glo says:

    mumblemumblecough, beached whale, mumblemumble…

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